Sinking Feeling

There was a ringing in my ear. No matter how hard I tried to stop it, the high-pitched buzz went on. I covered my ears with my hands, but it did nothing to help.  My eyes shut close, brimming with tears that I couldn’t hold back. Somehow, I was on the floor, twisting and turning, mouthing the words “Make it stop.” I couldn’t hear myself, though I felt my throat getting hoarse.

There was a lump in my throat, sprouted unnoticed but grew until it hindered my airway. I gasped for breath. My heart raced from pain and panic. My body stopped squirming, but my hands touched my ears then my throat. I was frantic, not knowing what to do anymore. As a last resort, my eyes flew wide open, hoping to get a glimpse of the world for the last time. Nobody was around. I was in an unfurnished room all by myself. Only the light bulb on the ceiling was my audience.

“So this is how I die, huh?” I humored myself despite it all. Must have been the lack of oxygen in my brain. This would have been my last thought.

However, as sudden as it all started, I was slowly able to catch my breath in small huffs. The lump, I felt, was shrinking. The ringing was dying down, too. By the end of what seemed like hours, I was left panting and sweating. My heart was beating almost regularly now. I was relieved that somehow the pain had subsided, albeit temporarily.

As I pushed up to sit, everything went a-blur. I fell into icy cold water. With my eyes barely open, I saw the night sky with the lone moon watching. My clothes that were wet with sweat were now soaked in below-freezing water. I was in rough seas. I frantically kicked at the water as I tried to stay afloat, but waves were crashing in all directions. I was slapped and slammed, thrown and played with thoughtlessly by the water like a piece of paper in a gale. My mouth was agape gasping for air, only to gulp more and more saltwater. I was choking but I have to keep my head up.

The cold was biting my skin. My arms and legs were becoming numb. My heart beat harder and faster than it had ever done. And then the dreaded happened. All at once, several waves crashed on me and I plunged into deeper, darker, colder waters.

My mind went blank, my eyes closed and my body stopped moving. My chest felt colder than the water around me. I felt the knot in the pit of stomach, intensifying each moment. I felt bubbles leaving my lips.

It was calmer below the surface of the sea, I found out. No sprays of water to accidentally inhale or colliding waves to toss me around. The water’s motion gave a relaxing drone in my ear. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw a lone yellow dot. The moon kept watch. It was as if I knew my fate before it happened. But then again, I was already in too deep.