Trailer's FINALLY out (two days ago)!

It's funny how it took me 2 days to finally calm down (a bit) to share this wonderful piece of a tease that is the first Captain America: Civil War trailer. 

I have watched this on loop more times than I cared to count. I am barely holding onto my sanity as it is.

I won't explain what is up with the hype, especially to those who are not fans of comic-based films, because I respect those people. However, I am more than happy to share the joy and excitement with my fellow fantards. Who wants to watch with me?

Realize

“Thank you, but you know that I like someone else, right?”

“I know,” she replied with a smile not reaching her eyes.

She holds onto her composure as they bid farewell.

Away from prying eyes, she locks herself in the shower, letting the cold spray hit her. Everything falls apart as her emotional dam breaks, making her sob, tremble, and gasp – for air, for understanding. She slides down to the cold wet floor, dry-heaving, pressing her palm to her closed eyes until she sees colors burst, as if not seeing the world will make her invisible.

“No more what-ifs, then.”

Bachelorette's Pad

I was lounging on my couch on a Tuesday night. With the television off, I could hear the humming of the air-con unit, the quiet drip of the still-faulty faucet (note: get that fixed, again), and the barely audible whoosh of a distant passing car. It was oddly quiet in my flat, but I accepted it as reprieve to finish reading my paperback. A faint shuffling of tiny feet brought me out of my reverie. Then, my black-and-white piebald cat with claws out pounced onto my belly, rubbed her cheeks everywhere and meowed stubbornly, as if saying: “Feed me, human!”

Childish Whim

Late last year, my sister and I started fancying several actors in the Marvel Cinematic Universe franchise. (Though "fancying" should be substituted with "crushing hard". Probably.) Particularly, Chris Evans as Captain America and Sebastian Stan as Winter Soldier, among the other amazing actors and actresses in the films, captured our hearts in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. (It should be noted, though, that Evans had my heart when he starred as Jake Jensen in The Losers years ago.) In other words, we became passionate fangirls of the humongous MCU fandom. (Alas, my endless list of fandoms!)

Daily Movement

Dad’s been giving me natural laxatives every morning. 

As part of what my dad believes is healthy living, he makes a drink-blend of apples, bananas, carrots, and whatever other fruits and vegetables available in the kitchen. Basically, he tosses everything (chopped in small cubes) in a blender. The concoctions are baby food-like – usually more solid than liquid – and call for spoons instead of straws. The texture is far from that of a smoothie: dad simply uses a blender instead of a juicer to keep the fibers in. The taste is, well, a blend of everything –fruity sourness and bitter peels, sometimes sweetened by ripe bananas or another fruit. It’s not much visually, but that is what is expected of mashed produce. It is the nutrients inside that count, my dad keeps telling me.

We (mom and I) usually drink them after breakfast. It makes a good non-sweetened dessert for me, easily consuming a bunch of fruits in a few gulps.

And in a few minutes, the toilet seat is my throne for half an hour.

How to adult?

I lived with the notion that on one of my birthdays, something will magically click, switching on an adult version of me inside – one that is mature, responsible, and wise. I thought it would happen on my eighteenth birthday – the "debut to adulthood".

Well, it didn’t. Bummer, I thought, but it was not the end of days. I had three more years of undergrad, plus probably a few more in the workforce, unless I get into grad school, that might jolt my inner adult awake. Probably.

What about death?

I have always wondered:
How will I die?
Getting stabbed, shot,
hit-and-run, poisoned
Or falling, probably,
from the thirteenth floor,
Or, God forbid, slipping
(on a banana peel).

Dying is certain,
I know, but still,
an enigma in itself
sends chills down my spine.
It’s our finish line.
What happens after?

 Envelope of darkness,
blanket of cold?
Or the pearly gates,
St. Peter a-waiting?
We cross the bridge
when we get there.

 But, say, given a sign
“Death in a month’s time”
What do we ought to do?
What we can do: live.
Dying celebrates life,
seemingly reminds people:
living is a journey.

 Live life to the fullest:
Listen to music, taste every flavor
dance, sing, or kiss everyone’s lips
For when death comes a-knocking,
nothing can ever be
certain as dying.

#

This is a slightly edited version of a free-verse I submitted last year as a requirement in a philosophy class.

Crutches in the corner

Last year, I sprained my right ankle and spent about two weeks going to my classes walking with three legs (read: left leg and a pair of crutches).

It was a difficult period to have to walk with crutches, to say the least. My shoulders and underarms were extremely sore in the first few days. I got slight blisters on my palms. I am always exhausted at the end of the day, preferring to sleep over any school or org work.

On a lighter note, people (my dear friends!) who would lend a helping hand as I went building to building around campus, and up and down stairs and jeeps and cars now occupy a special place in my heart. Teachers who would announce that they won't be holding classes next meeting or gave free cuts became instant favorites. I felt relief more than anything for cancelled classes during this time for a thousand and one reasons.

In the end, I got a few good things out of an unfortunate event: muscle workout for my arms and chest, realization of the importance of a limb that has always been left for granted , and a support system with a lot of lovely people. (Yes, I was able to confirm that I have surrounded myself with people who would readily assist when needed.)

Now, the pair of crutches is left standing literally in a corner of the room, collecting dust. They were my best friends back then, taking on my weight and sweat-stench most days. But I do not want to have them as a necessity again any time soon, or not at all.

Pebble

There was a pebble at the top of the stairs. I don’t know how it got there, so I kicked it to return it to the ground where I thought it supposed to belong. I watched it as it rolled, tumbled, bounced, going down easily. It spun; it flipped; it jerked. My eyes followed its effortless motion: down, down, down.

A knot at the pit of my stomach tightened, overwhelming all my other senses, both numbing and sensitizing. I blinked, and then an intense pain enveloped my body. My face became merely inches away from the pebble, just as easily.

Homesick, maybe

It’s enrollment week at university and I’m back living in the dorms. One night in and, surprisingly, I already feel homesick.

I have been living separately from my family since high school and this angst rarely gets me. This morning is rather odd because, honestly, I only miss home a few weeks in the semester or when vacation’s coming up.

I realized this homesickness when I was in the shower. I start my day with a bath, but it was a cold morning so I wanted to get one quickly. I got in the stall, turned on the shower and, lo and behold, freaking freezing cold water sprayed at me. I could hear my teeth clatter and feel my legs shiver. However, I had no choice. I gritted my teeth and bathed hastily. In the middle of it all, a feeling of longing took over. I missed our heater at home, where I could get warm water and take my bath in peace.

After bathing, I had to go out and buy breakfast. I realized, again, just how I missed home, where warm meals are ready on the dining table when you have to eat. Or where you could cook up something you like.

At the end of the day, I had free time after I finished enrolling. I wanted to kill time online, but I had to leave the comfort of my room to get connected to wi-fi in the lobby. And then I started missing home again, where I can get wi-fi pretty much anywhere and my device connects automatically without the need for proxy settings.

I don’t know if I actually am homesick, but I am sure I do miss home.

Also, when will the cold days be over? Cold baths are a pain.